This beats Citizen Kane by miles. Such beautiful cinematography, such distinguished acting, such dexterity of the narrative and commentary on the season, it’s never been seen before.
OK, OK, I kid. The Star Wars Holiday Special is much better than this, um, thing. After seeing the best of Rifftrax of this, I figured I should see this unriffed and share the magic of it with others.
Plot? You’re on your own.
Santa is trapped in the hot Florida sun and cannot get his sleigh out of the sand. Santa, do you even lift? Seriously, just brush away the sand and go. But no, we spend five minutes with random kids who just so happen to have these animals out on the beach with no success.
So, to pad the film, I mean pass the time, Santa tells the story of Thumbelina. Apparently, Santa is so thorough that he even includes movie credits. Stay with me here: The movie has a narrator who tells the story of Santa who is describing the movie Thumbelina which is told by a distorted, uncaring narrator at an exhibit in Pirates World, which even has backstories explained by some of the characters. Insert Inception kick here.
And then there’s the bunny. I hear tell that the Ice Cream Bunny is closely related to Frank from Donnie Darko, so I’m told. For no other reason at the end, he just shows up with his fire engine and takes Santa away. OK, but has Santa ever seen a portal?
I invite you to look at the tagline on that poster. Talk about false advertising. The only part that’s true is “breath-taking”, as in “Seeing the quality of this thing with you own eyes is not only breath-taking but also soul-taking.”
This is one to watch with friends with a really good sense of humor and loyalty but proceed with extreme caution. If not, go for the actual Rifftrax session. Watching this alone, like I did, will test your patience and your sanity. Tread very lightly.