Today, I’d like to discuss some of the positive aspects of thinking on the spectrum. It does get depressing after a while seeing posts describing how autism is the worst thing to ever happen. There are days where I feel like that but most of the time, I’m proud of how I think differently.
For the longest time, my mental process fell under logical and practical. There may be room for error but not much. Everything needs to fall in the right place or else it goes wrong. There is a time and place for it but I need to be flexible. I’m working on letting things go and allowing for change to happen.
When a situation comes up, I have to know all of the available information. It will take me a few moments to process everything. Eventually, I will respond. I know in group work over the course of this semester, people would discuss different ideas. I would be the one who sat still and said nothing until someone asked me what I thought. I explained what would work and what didn’t in an appropriate manner; for the most part, we got along very well.
For the longest time, I traditionally thought in black and white values, all or nothing. This dichotomy won’t get me far in life as there will be missed opportunites. It wasn’t until I started college that not only were there grey areas but also colors. With all of these different values on a color spectrum, I can better appreciate and understand the differences in anything I find. It may not be immediate but I do my best.
When I think about what I need to do, I go through the plan several times in my head, preparing myself for all the possible outcomes. I rehearse what I’m going to say as well as my reactions. I need to be ready for whatever I think of will happen. My anticipation skills need refining, but in the meantime I do this.
I like being introspective but every now and then I need to step outside my own thoughts and listen to other people. There’s only so much of me that I can take. I’ll throw some Pink Floyd on in the car and drive to wherever I need to be. I reflect on the day, what got done and what didn’t, what needs to happen, and also look at what happened as a kid and what I need to do far off in the future. Most of the time I’m alone but I don’t mind it much.
At this moment, I’m working on my senior project and I’m making a film on how I perceive the world as someone on the spectrum in conjunction with this blog. It’s in the rough stages (given that my proposal isn’t due until August) but I like to plan ahead. I might have a small section devoted to my thinking process but I’m not sure yet. I’ll post updates when they happen but I would like to show people how I think.