Hey y’all. I’ve come to tell you that I’m blogging at my newly-launched site theautisticfox.wordpress.com. This will be the new home for more autism-centered pieces. C’mon over and hear what I have to say.
A Different Path
Hey there. I know I’ve practically fallen off the face of the blogosphere around here but there are some reasons for that.
I’ve noticed that my current job has not been kind to me in many ways. I’m not afraid to admit that I’ve been dealing with depression since I was hired. Coupled with weight loss, sleep issues, anger, and sustained hearing damage and you have one unhappy guy who needs an escape for something more comfortable. The song “Highway to Hell”, which has played at least twice a day over two months, has lost all comic form and has turned into a cruel reminder of where I stand. I’ve barely been able to keep pace with my film a day goal since I’ve started. By the time I come home, that’s all I have time for. Videos? Nothing since April. Ideas? They’re there but nothing on paper. The closest I’ve come to doing anything productive with film is working on a podcast and editing videos for a let’s play channel with my friends and that’s only on the weekends (at the very least, Sunday).
Needless to say, you haven’t seen much. There’s not much more I can say without sounding like complaints. Would I love to be more active on this platform? Sure, but I just don’t have the time and energy to focus on that specific part. I really can’t afford to deviate from the routine I’ve set up now.
I’m really not sure how much longer this site will be up. The podcast will probably be the new home to my reviews, which will be new stuff and updated versions of previously published material. I’m already slated to guest on another cast sometime next year (despite only having one episode out at current writing), so I’m doing prep work on that.
It’s been a rough few months with very few moments of solace. I treasure those moments that I do so much more now. Yes, I’ll still be around, but not exactly here. Wish me luck, good health, all that jazz.
Monthly Update: August 2015
It’s been a month since I started second shift. Things have definitely changed quite a bit, both at home and at work. But hey, my birthday is right around the corner, so there’s that.
At work, I’m currently training someone as my previous co-worker was transferred due to work ethic. Problem is, I’m one of the youngest people there, so I’m training someone who is several years older than me. Yes, it’s awkward but if it means that I have someone who can help me with my job, then so be it. I’ve had to do some overtime, but that’s expected.
Our let’s play channel is up and running. It’s going to be a challenge when college starts back up for my friends as we record on the weekends and, let’s face it, stuff piles up quickly when you’re at school. Click here for a sample episode, where you can hear my voice, see me play, and watch just one of the multiple title sequences I’ve made (more to come in future episodes). We have Half-Life, Scribblenauts Unlimited, and Boson X and have other titles for release, including Hatoful Boyfriend. It’s the start of what will become our own studio in roughly three years, so we need to get our name out there.
I’ve also been involved with a neurodiversity writer’s group. I’ve had one piece critiqued on self-care and I have another one due in a few days on friendship. It’s great to write for peers who come from similar backgrounds but what’s also great is that it’s done in a clear and regulated manner. We have a set of rules that we follow and from each session, so far, it’s been enjoyable. Besides, it helps me get back into writing for an audience.
Speaking of writing, I realized that one of my projects had to be expanded to a larger runtime. It’s more along the lines of expanding the story since it couldn’t be told within the time I originally planned. So, it’s up to me to flesh things out. I’ve also been toying with the idea of doing a podcast. Nothing set in stone yet, but it’d be more like an audio version of this blog in terms of how the reviews are structured. I’d like to get some good recording equipment (and upgrade my workstation) before I do anything.
The later nights have been nice. I get to come home and the TV is all mine. I’ve been going through my stack of videotapes that I’ve collected over the years. With my birthday coming up shortly, I’ll have some more to go through, namely the Criterion Blu-ray set of Stan Brakhage films. I know that’s going to be fun.
See you next month.
Movie Review: Inside Out
There’s something about seeing emotions personified that helps remind you of what it’s like to relive those memories that you hold close. I guess it’s great for kids but looking at it as an adult provides a different perspective.
A child wrestles with her emotions after moving to San Francisco.
Since I first heard of the concept years ago, I put it in my mental calendar. I thought it would make for an interesting film. Back when I was an animation major, I had an assignment where I had to personify an emotion. When the first images of the emotions were released, I posted it to our animation group on Facebook because it was relevant. Seeing it now reminded me of it (I recall it was similar to Disgust, but more illness related).
When it came out to theaters, I wanted to see it with my autistic best friend. There was a bit of humor in it when coupled with the notion that all autistic people can’t express emotion and we were going to see a film that was about emotion. I tried my best to avoid reading spoilers but from my online friends (the majority of which are autistic), this came highly recommended. I went in with tissues in my pocket, hearing that it was going to be a tear-jerker. Sadly, no tears were shed on my end, something that really bugs me on a personal level because I wanted to feel the emotion at the point where everyone said it would be. I’m still a bitter about this but I won’t bore you with the details.
If it sounds like I’m going to repeat what you’ve heard or know about it, you’re right. After going for more than a year without a Pixar film, it was definitely worth the wait. The fact that we get two Pixar films this year (personally not sure about The Good Dinosaur as of this writing) really adds the icing on the cake. To be honest, I wasn’t a fan of the past three films of theirs as I was with, say, Ratatouille or Up. While it may be a return to classic Pixar, we are getting a third Cars, a fourth Toy Story, and a second Incredibles (the last is the only one of the three I’m looking forward to). With this and The Good Dinosaur, it’s a matter of savoring these original films before the sequels come in.
Judging by the crowd at the showing I attended, there weren’t many kids. I figured that would be the case as I was trying to figure out how this would be marketed for kids. One TV spot I’ve seen repeatedly introduced each emotion but ended the list by saying “And you know what sadness is.” What was meant by that line, I’m not sure. If I were a kid, I’d probably focus on the colorful emotions, possibly picking up on some of the humor. As I am, I was able to appreciate it on an immediate level. It also helped that I was dealing with some emotions prior to the screening and figured this would help me.
I’ve been a fan of Michael Giacchino’s work since I was introduced to him on LOST. This meant knowing that he has some heart-tugging pieces, like the death theme from LOST (most notably in the final episode) and the montage from Up. When it came time for the sad part, I recognized some of his traits and I was reminded of these scores. And yet, not a tear was shed. I figure that repeat listens will provide some closure as there won’t be any dialogue.
In the end, I wish I had felt all the feels, as today’s youth puts it. I do appreciate the fact that it’s OK to be sad, something that isn’t heard much. It’s actually comforting to see, especially in this new wave of kid’s media. That’s not to say that this was just a kid’s film, but rather that the message can be directed towards them. I’m definitely adding this to my collection, that much is certain.
P.S. I didn’t care much for the short. I expect it’ll be a nominee for Best Animated Short but I don’t expect it to win.
Coming this Month: June 2015
Honestly, I should stop promising reviews of things that won’t happen when I say they’ll happen. My life has just gotten very busy to review things, which pretty much derails what this blog has come to be known for.
Here’s the thing: I’m still job hunting. I’ve been at it for a month now and I finally got my first call back from a factory I applied to at the beginning of May. It came when I was out of town but it’s the beacon of hope in a fog of uncertainty. I’ve also been helping out with some friends in getting a let’s play series going as a player and editor, when I get the chance. Nothing has been uploaded as of yet but it should be sometime this month.
Because of this unemployment limbo that I’m currently stuck in, I’ve had some doubts about what I’ve been doing wrong with the applications and, to some extent, me. Using what has become a stereotype, all autistic people should be great at STEM jobs. I’m not a STEM guy and the jobs that are available are in STEM fields. I’m sure if I wanted to, I could apply myself to go through some courses but I know I won’t be as happy as I am with film. This internalized doubt, coupled with irritation, self-loathing, and other things, has led me to become a rather unhappy person. I’m working on changing that but it’s not easy.
In terms of projects (now that I have time to do so), I have two in the works. One is a full-length film that will take years to make (not like Boyhood but just in terms of getting resources together). Another came over the weekend while listening to Pink Floyd; something like Dog Star Man in terms of visuals and a Pink Floyd song but not actually using it. It’s complicated but it’s definitely on the experimental side. It’s all in the mental planning right now, along with some trips to Panera.
For the foreseeable future, this blog will have more editorials when the time comes than the film reviews that I failed to deliver in recent months. True, the original point of the blog was to make myself known and the reviews came secondary at first. I’ll pick it up in the fall once I learn what films will be screened at my now alma mater, depending on my work schedule.
Also, I’m on Instagram. It’s not much but you get to see what I’m watching.